I got diagnosed as bipolar 2 yesterday.
I was told by someone special to me to never get a diagnosis like that, even if it is a good fit for you.
THAT scared the shit out of me! Why wouldn’t I want a diagnosis of bipolar if it’s going to help ME, and my family. I’d like to not HAVE to force myself to not go lay in the bed for days when I’m down and out. That shit is HARD! I do it, but do I like to? Fuck no.
The appointment went surprisingly well, and they were very informative and answered any and all of my questions/concerns. If you were wondering why you “shouldn’t ever get a diagnosis like that”, it’s because it’s permanently on your health records.
That damn stigma kills me. I’m not ashamed to have anxiety/depression. I am who I am, and I have worked hard as shit to get “better”, and medicine has helped my mental wellbeing tremendously.
Am I sure that this diagnosis is the right fit for me? I have NO fucking idea! I have to see how these meds effect me first to see if her opinions are the correct one.
Now if you’ve ever taken any kind of mental illness meds, you know that taking any new med is scary as fuck. Are you going to be able to drive? Are you going to develop paranoia when you don’t have it? Are you going to develop new symptoms or worsening symptoms? Being not in the know how something is going to affect your brain function is wild!
My first night (last night)-EXHAUSTED! I’m already tired. Always. If I could sleep 24/7, I would! But it was on a whole other level! And as exhausted as I was, I tossed and turned ALL NIGHT! I had wild dreams. And I ALMOST peed my bed, which has never happened! Lol
So, why do I feel the need to put this on the internet, where I don’t have a lot of viewers? I needed someone to tell and talk to. Even if it’s just myself. All I wanted to do was talk to my husband, and have him here for me. I don’t generally NEED someone here for me. But I wanted it. My husband is fortunately blissfully unaware of mental illness. And that’s okay. But if you have someone in your life who is unfamiliar with your TRUE mental health state, it’s hard.
So me typing out all of my shit helps me. I tried calling my mom and sister and they didn’t answer. So instead, during my down day, I deal with it internally. As I’ve said in a previous post. People always post on social media or say, if you need help just reach out to someone. I’m not sure if they know, they the majority of us know, that THAT is a bunch of bullshit. Maybe not bullshit from everyone but I guarantee if I reached out to a single one of those people, it’d be a huge ass bust. Soooo I am my own best friend. I will help me. It is hard being my own person for help.
So I will end this long ass post with saying this again. IF you stumble on my page and you need/want to talk. Please message me. Yall don’t know me, I am a talker, a people pleaser, and a helper. I like to help people or just be an ear. No one needs to be alone.